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Under the No Website Reader left behind act, we have to have at least one standardized test on here. Answer the questions, then see the CORRECT answers (with explanations, so you'll LEARN) at the end.
But we're not WILD about standardized testing, so we're not going to be too picky about test protocol. We can't be THAT picky - we're already asking you to take a test about a book you may not have even read yet. So if you don't have a #2 pencil, we don't care. Heck, use a crayon if you feel like it. Just Read moredon't come crying to us if it doesn't wash off of your monitor.
We're also fine with letting you use all of your notes, or, better yet, using the book, to get your answers. And chew yourself some gum.
- 1.
Why did so many 16th century colonists die?
- A.
They were quitters who did not give 110%
- B.
A meteor struck the area
- C.
They couldn't get enough of the sweet crunchity taste of their shipmates
- D.
Ben Franklin had not invented the Franklin stove
- E.
Most of the above
Correct Answer
D. Ben Franklin had not invented the Franklin stoveExplanation
We're going to go with D. In reality, most of the colonists just didn't know thing 1 about how to set up a colony. It's not like they taught courses on it in school. Heck, these guys had no IDEA what the "new world' was like - many expected to find cities made of gold, elephants, and all kinds of crazy stuff. There was no way they could really be prepared.Rate this question:
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- 2.
Which of the following statements about George Washington is true?
- A.
Washington once cut down his dad's cherry tree for some reason.
- B.
Washington could breathe fire, which scared the bejeezus out of the British soldiers, many of whom had relatives who had been eaten by dragons.
- C.
Washington could throw a coin across the Potomac River.
- D.
Washington was known as a heckuva dancer.
- E.
Washington had wooden teeth.
Correct Answer
D. Washington was known as a heckuva dancer.Explanation
The whole thing about the coin and the cherry tree were invented by biographers who were not concerned with accuracy, and his teeth were made of bone and "donated" teeth. Wooden ones would have been pretty unsanitary.Rate this question:
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- 3.
What was "54-40 or Fight"
- A.
A slogan popular with people who wanted to absorb Oregon into the U.S.
- B.
A football play developed by Knute Rockne
- C.
A popular tavern song about whoring and fighting
- D.
Plan B for getting that stupid locker open.
Correct Answer
A. A slogan popular with people who wanted to absorb Oregon into the U.S.Explanation
It's A, but we don't cover this. Have you been reading other, more reputable history books behind our back? Because we know where you live!Rate this question:
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- 4.
How do you pronounce the last name of Leon Czolgosh, the anarchist who assassinated WIlliam McKinley?
- A.
Coal-gash
- B.
Cuz-zuhl-gosh
- C.
Cuz-ole-ghosh
- D.
Coal-gosh
Correct Answer
A. Coal-gashExplanation
it's A, for the record, though we've also heard people use D, and aren't sure who to believe. Then again, some people also say that John Wilkes Booth pronounced his name "Bowth" (rhymes with "mouth"), which makes you wonder how much it really matters how it was pronounced back then. Heck, Christopher Columbus never called himself Christopher Columbus; he called himself Cristobal don ColonRate this question:
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- 5.
Are you going to eat that pickle?
- A.
Yes
- B.
No
- C.
I just licked it, still want it?
- D.
That's no pickle, that's my wife!
Correct Answer
A. YesExplanation
A. Eat your pickles. And drink your juice, or you'll get scruvy.Rate this question:
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- 6.
What does your history teacher do in the summer?
- A.
Tour obscure battlefields along the eastern seabord
- B.
Square dance competitively under the name Dixie Calhoun
- C.
Chain smoke while playing bingo with the other teachers
- D.
Sit around eating firecake.
- E.
Be like Grandpa in "The Grapes of Wrath:" sit down in a washtub full of grapes and scroooooge around.
Correct Answer
B. Square dance competitively under the name Dixie CalhounExplanation
It's B. We have proof.Rate this question:
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- 7.
Why did the Allies cross the English Channel at Normandy on D-Day?
- A.
Everyone prefers a lesser-known beach to the more crowded ones.
- B.
Because just walking up to Hitler's bunker, leaving a bag of flaming poo on the ground, ringing the bell and running, wouldn't have solved much.
- C.
Don't ask me. Bob Hope might know. Write to his estate.
- D.
To get to the other side!
Correct Answer
A. Everyone prefers a lesser-known beach to the more crowded ones.Explanation
the beach at Normandy was lesser known and less guarded than the better-known beaches.Rate this question:
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- 8.
What did Washington say to his men on the boat as they crossed the Delaware on Christmas Day, 1776, to attack the British at Trenton?
- A.
Look, ma, no hands!
- B.
If we win this, we'll be independent by New Year's!
- C.
Shift your fat #$%^, Henry, or you'll swamp the %^&*ed boat!
- D.
We got spirit, yes we do. We got spirit, how bout YOU?
Correct Answer
C. Shift your fat #$%^, Henry, or you'll swamp the %^&*ed boat!Explanation
A lot of famous quotes from those days were invented years later, but several contemporary accounts state that Washington said this to Henry Knox, who would later be his Secretary of War. It was a cold morning, the soldiers were barely dressed, and their muskets would be useless (even moreso than usual) in the damp weather. They must have been scared out of their minds. When Washington said this, they all had a hearty laugh, and their spirits were lifted enough that they were able to win the battle. And so, swearing changed the course of world history....but don't come crying to us if you get in trouble for quoting Washington in front of your teacher.Rate this question:
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Mar 07, 2024Quiz Edited by
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Jun 10, 2009Quiz Created by
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