Your Mother Would Be Proud: The Quiz

1. I played a lot of sport as a child. That was my big defining activity, same with my father. So I’d spent all weekend pissing about playing cricket and rugby and hadn’t done my English homework. It was due on Monday morning and I thought: okay, how can I get out of school tomorrow? I’ve got to come up with a plan.
(from 'Better Out Than In', Angus Sampson)

What did Angus do?

Phoned in a bomb threat to the school

Had his appendix removed unnecessarily

Staged an accident to make it look like he'd been mugged

Secretly ate choc-flavoured laxatives, visited the bathroom a lot and complained of a sore tummy

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Explanation

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2. If I remember correctly we’d caught the #333 bus to Belconnen Mall so Suzie G (not her real initial) could flog an Antz Pantz bra and knickers set she’d spotted in the latest Grace Bros catalogue.
(from 'I’d Like To Thank The David Jones Makeup Counter', Sarah Wilson)

What career path did this set Sarah upon?

Successful model

Unsuccessful career criminal

World-weary journalist

Chemist

Based on the given information, it can be inferred that Sarah Wilson's encounter with Suzie G led her to pursue a career as a successful model. The mention of catching a bus to a mall and Suzie G wanting to sell a bra and knickers set suggests a connection to the fashion industry. Additionally, the mention of Grace Bros catalogue implies a focus on clothing and fashion. Therefore, it can be concluded that Sarah's encounter with Suzie G sparked her interest in modeling, leading her to pursue a successful career in that field.

Explanation

Based on the given information, it can be inferred that Sarah Wilson's encounter with Suzie G led her to pursue a career as a successful model. The mention of catching a bus to a mall and Suzie G wanting to sell a bra and knickers set suggests a connection to the fashion industry. Additionally, the mention of Grace Bros catalogue implies a focus on clothing and fashion. Therefore, it can be concluded that Sarah's encounter with Suzie G sparked her interest in modeling, leading her to pursue a successful career in that field.

3. A few years ago something strange started happening. As well as dying on stage, we [the band] actually started killing people.
(from 'My Life as a Fluffy Boy', Barry Divola)

How did Barry's band the Fluffy Boys kill people?

Electrocution of stray audience member by dodgy amps

With a Wall of Sound

Invoked a fatal curse by covering their songs

Heart attacks in swooning fans

According to the given information, Barry's band, the Fluffy Boys, started killing people by invoking a fatal curse through covering their songs. This suggests that there was some supernatural or mystical element associated with their music that caused harm or death to those who listened to it.

Explanation

According to the given information, Barry's band, the Fluffy Boys, started killing people by invoking a fatal curse through covering their songs. This suggests that there was some supernatural or mystical element associated with their music that caused harm or death to those who listened to it.

4. Sometimes I wonder what's happened to the world of dating, or, perhaps more correctly, what happened to revenge. These days revenge means "indulging" in a packet of Tim Tams and the $500 pair of shoes he didn't think you should buy, in some sort of karmic/retail payback, or posting anonymous tips on an American-run website for spurned (yet polite) ladies, in case anyone from Boise, Idaho is entertaining the idea of dating your former man. Maybe you'll get a bitchin' new haircut and colour, too. Where's the catharsis, where's the satisfaction in any of that?
(from 'Case Of The Ex', Clem Bastow)

How did Clem take revenge on her ex?

By holding his parents hostage until he gave back her black T-shirt

Scrubbed a toothbrush in a toilet bowl

Logged into his email account and sent messages to his new girlfriend in his name

Gave him a cap previously worn by a lice-infested younger cousin

Clem took revenge on her ex by scrubbing a toothbrush in a toilet bowl.

Explanation

Clem took revenge on her ex by scrubbing a toothbrush in a toilet bowl.

5. With a razor in one hand and September’s Vogue in the other I stood at the mirror trying to calm myself down. I needed to focus for this, you only get one shot at it every few months. Less than 45 minutes later I emerged from the bathroom with eyebrows exactly like Keanu Reeves’s.
That was the moment it began — the vanity.
(from 'The Greatest Love Of All', Richard Berry)

Which of the following vanity lows has Richard not indulged in?

Fake tan

Smoking

Waxing

Using moisturisers made from mare's placenta

The passage mentions the narrator's experience with vanity, specifically in relation to grooming their eyebrows. The options provided are all related to vanity and self-care practices. However, there is no mention of the narrator using moisturisers made from mare's placenta. Therefore, the correct answer is "Using moisturisers made from mare's placenta."

Explanation

The passage mentions the narrator's experience with vanity, specifically in relation to grooming their eyebrows. The options provided are all related to vanity and self-care practices. However, there is no mention of the narrator using moisturisers made from mare's placenta. Therefore, the correct answer is "Using moisturisers made from mare's placenta."

6. TV does strange things to people. Maybe it was all the lights and excitement, maybe the mini-bar after. But the night I went on TV I made love to my shirt.
(from 'Laundry', Tug Dumbly)

What was Tug doing on TV?

Competing in Red Faces on Hey Hey it's Saturday

A first and last appearance on Young Talent Time

Called down from the audience for The Price is Right

Auditioning for Master Chef

Tug Dumbly was competing in Red Faces on Hey Hey it's Saturday.

Explanation

Tug Dumbly was competing in Red Faces on Hey Hey it's Saturday.

7. In 1994, I was playing in the greatest Brisbane band that ever wasn’t, the rock/funk/flute/ballad hybrid Feeble’s Junky. I was long-haired, living alone and incredibly unemployed.
(from 'Confessions From The Graveyard Shift', Andrew G)

Where did Andrew manage to find work?

An abbatoir, where he was required to slaughter pigs

A hospital, where he had to clean the morgue

A convenience store, where he had to clean the toilets

A radio station, where he survived the long hours with masturbation

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Explanation

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8. Tamara Sheward was dubbed the 'inspiration of the nation' by the tabloid press after she did what?

Slipped a mickey into the drink of the English cricket team captain

Jogged from Brisbane to Adelaide for charity, with a shaved head, in a bikini

Gambolled nude across the field at a globally televised rugby match

Delivered beer in the nude to the Aussie troops in Afghanistan

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Explanation

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9. What happened when Julia Wilson went to retrieve a sex tape she'd made with a guy she'd been sleeping with for years?

She discovered it was already on the net

She 'slipped' and instead found herself filming another one

She found he'd remastered the sound and it was now overlaid with sonorous Gregorian chants

She found his collection of other sex tapes

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Explanation

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10. I remember touring New Zealand with Cold Chisel — actually I only just remember it. We had a young band supporting us on that particular tour called INXS, and I decided to take them under my wing and give them some lessons on touring.
(from 'Nothing Exceeds', Jimmy Barnes)

What were the lessons Jimmy taught them?

How To Get Wasted In The Early Afternoon

Taking Over The Town

Don't Stop Until You Fall Over

Always go for a Big Finish

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Explanation

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